Fate of Marriages in the Previous and Present Lives

Source: The Internet

Becoming husband and wife is a kind of fateful coincidence, no matter it is kusala paticca (good karma) or akusala paticca (bad karma), though there will never be any meeting of each other without predestination. From time to time, I am not able to figure out the following questions: Why can somebody be satisfied when they earnestly ask for a husband or a wife?  Why can someone else be able to move and inspire a good partner?  People have feelings and emotions, don’t they?  Is it possible that feelings and emotions can be constrained with an effort?  Is it possible that I can demand a certain person to love me (as I wish)?  This is a weird question I always ask myself, so I am invariably dubious about the effectiveness of beseeching a husband or a wife, or being destined for a good partner in this life.

But one day, after reading an invitation card from a dharma brother, I seemed to understand a bit more. On the card, it is written as if to say that, ‘A wife takes care of her husband as circumspect, attentive and cherishing as a mother because she was her husband’s mother in the previous life; if a wife takes care of her husband like a friend, they were friends in their previous lives … In this case, it is not difficult to understand anymore.

A certain cause will of course lead to a corresponding effect. If one can come across a chaste and virtuous spouse in this life, it only means that one has produced kusala paticca (good karma) in one’s previous life. If one meets a bad husband or a severe wife in this life, this is probably because one has ever owed them in one’s previous life. It seems that we might as well understand a bit: a person who forges ahead vigorously to cultivate virtue will encounter a good marriage. It is because in his cultivation generation after generation, he has already built good relationships and karma with a lot of people. As a result, there will naturally be relatively more people paying him back a debt of gratitude. His wife in his first marriage may possibly be someone whom he has helped a lot in his previous life. As she is coming to requite his grace in this life, she will then take good care of him naturally which in turn bring harmony to the whole family. It is actually the corresponding retribution of the cause one has planted before!

In this case, when coming across an unsatisfactory partner, it should really be I who is the first one to make introspection. If it is not me who have been in arrears with the other in my previous life, the other will probably not keep this in mind to an extent that it is a must to search for you in the present life to get the justice back. It is only that I have forgotten my misbehaviour done during reincarnation, hence, when a bad hair day is met, I will still push the fault to external reasons instead of myself. I will merely feel that I am having a bad luck and keep seeking ways to evade from the problem. However, I have no idea that I should try to resolve this knot of hatred just as the old saying goes, ‘It’s better solve enmity than make one’.

Have in mind a story about a very kind-hearted housewife who, nevertheless, met an odious husband. Her husband liked to drink very much. Every time he went back drunk and would always hit her after that. She was so frank that she did not blame her husband, but only felt miserable for her tough life. However, when her physical body could not stand the frequent beating anymore, she felt that her life was really too sad and painful which in turn drove her to have the idea of committing suicide.

From our point of view, we would think that it was a dismal and tragic incident. As the housewife had not done anything wrong, her husband was too absurd to hit her when he was drunk. If there were people who have a sense of justice, they would have jumped to her defence. Later on, she had no alternatives but chose to commit suicide; maybe because of her kind-heartedness, she met a Buddhist Practitioner on her way (to commit suicide) whom stopped her and asked her where she was going as well as what she intended to do. She told the Practitioner her intention honestly. The Practitioner then imparted her, “You’d better suspend your attempt to die but go back home instead. Though your husband will still beat you on your return, this will be the last time for him to do so and after this; he’ll not hit you anymore.” Hearing the Practitioner’s words, the housewife was very startled. She had already been beaten for a long time, could it be possible that this would be stopped?  Anyway, since the beating had been lasted for a long time and basically it would make no difference if one more time was added, why not going back home to take a look?

Thus, the housewife returned home. When her husband went back home after getting drunk, he hit her all the same. However, having beaten her for some times, her husband’s hand suddenly stopped in the mid-air. He was unable to keep on his beating but wondered in a sudden, “Why am I still beating you?”  After that, her husband stopped hitting her anymore and henceforth, the couple enjoyed a harmonious and happy life together.

The wife was very curious about the sudden change of her husband, so she went to ask the Practitioner about this. The Practitioner then told her that her husband was a horse kept by her family in his previous life. As she had whipped it with a whip for a thousand times in her husband’s previous life, it reincarnated to be her husband in this life to get back his debt of the thousand whips.

After reading the story, I was somewhat broken out in a cold sweat. In this case, it was nothing but our own karma that caused the incident. Suppose the wife was not willing to accept such retribution, but instead, she thought, “I’ve made an all-out effort to the family, yet why does my husband treat me in such a way?”  She then had an enmity towards her husband unceasingly which ended in a deadlock for both parties. This might probably provoke a greater grudge between each other.

If the housewife can grin and bear at ease (the behaviour of her husband), perhaps the retribution will be over at a faster pace. If she can have a grateful heart, be filled with repentance and have a sense of shame, maybe when she was beaten for eight hundred times, the remaining (two hundred beats) would be exempted because of her good attitude. It is not impossible (to deal with retribution) in this way. Why do we have to ‘make the best of a bad bargain by accepting humiliations meekly’?  No wonder it is difficult to carry out. In case if the akusala paticca (bad karma) accumulated in the previous lives has been too much, maybe one can try to eliminate one’s karmic hindrance through chanting Buddhist Sutras.

I, who only possess superficial learning, have ever suspected whether one gets entangled in cause and effect when one is fond of someone else. In the previous life, the cause was: he loved her, but she hurt him and cast him aside. Thus (the effect was), when she meets him in this life, she will love him indescribably. Yet he will harm her and will discard her eventually, which will make her broken-hearted as well as depressed. It is also a case of dunning repayment of a loan and repaying a debt, isn’t it?

Is it true that one has to repay the debt of love one owes as well?  Is it also true that when one’s debt is repaid, the affection between each other will naturally be disappeared?

If the answer is really like this, is it still meaningful to persist in the deep love anymore?  Perhaps it is me who had made someone else experience the hardships of yearning the affection of another person in my previous life that I have to suffer the same kind of pain in my present life. It is pitiful that I constantly think that my love to the other party is real during the time of the suffering (without realizing the truth). However, after three years has passed and later on five years has passed, will the flame of love still continue to burn by the time?  Maybe his image in my mind has already changed from an impeccable escort to an offensive love rat?

Why is it like this?  Maybe because I am unwilling to repay the debt or perhaps, I am gnashing my teeth when repaying my debt or even I may have done a lot more harmful things on the other party which (has worsen the case) have made him even more angry and he may in turn ask for the paying of the debt more ferociously. As a result, the problems between the two persons are so serious that both of them (one and one’s debtor) have to go on reincarnating, keep on asking for the repay of debt, carry on suffering…

Getting entangled among conjugal love, affection and enmity, when one is able to understand the whole picture but is also tired of engaging in it, perhaps it is just the right time for one to really ask for renunciation. One who truly wishes to come out of the vortex of pain and misery so as to seek for genuine liberation of life instead can thus be considered to be the most fortunate person indeed!

Our Master has ever taught us that, ‘During adversity, one should treat it as a way of eliminating one’s karma made; one should also try to avoid creating new calamity in favourable circumstances’. Actually, every single word from the Master is of the same importance to us though we always treat them as a puff of wind passing the ear (fail to heed advice/warnings) ourselves. When I try to clamber something to get hold of a good partner, maybe I have already dragged myself into the mire. In that case, I will not even have enough time to repay my debt, how can there be anymore power of vows to inspire kusala paticca (good karma)? 

At the moment when akusala paticca (bad karma) appears but I am completely baffled with ambiguities, I may even think of all different ways to prove the ‘sincerity’ of myself by employing all sorts of strategies or whatever tricks. Alternatively, I may be too eager for a success that I am sacrificing myself at the expense of feminine charm and eventually I have made myself totally ruined!  It is too late for regrets and blood keeps dripping from my heart, yet, there is no solution to the problem. With hatred in mind, when I meet him again in the next lifetime, am I going to ask him to repay his debt continuously? ?

To say that I am such a person who does not understand cause and effect, neither refuse to lay aside nor have to continue to reincarnate is an understatement!  To make one really understand cause and effect, to allow oneself to sober up, how can all these be achieved if one does not deal with it seriously?  However, it is truly difficult to identify and figure out the problem as one’s life is always that brief. Anyway, even though I am not yet able to understand, if only I am honest and willing to listen to Master’s teaching and diligently practice accordingly, I can naturally be sure to benefit infinitely.

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Lament after reading: during reincarnation, who are one’s nearest and dearest (parents, spouse, children etc.)?  Who are outsiders?  Who are one’s fairy godmothers?  Who are one’s enemies?  In general, when one knows who one’s dearest is, one will surely treat him/her better. On the other hand, if one knows who one’s enemy is, one will naturally treat him/her worse. Being better to him/her is an attempt to make him/her the best in which a kind of persistence will be formed; being worse to him/her will result in an inability to untie the knot of grievance and in turn be unable to liberate. Practitioners who have not yet attained ‘Purvanivasanusm’ (Buddha-knowledge of all forms of previous existence of self and others) must initiate heart-giving (footnote 1). What kind of heart-giving to be initiated?  That’s simple, it is the fourth sentence of ‘Four Kinds of Immeasurable Hearts’ (footnote 2) which we always chant while doing dharma practice: ‘May all sentient beings be in equanimity, free of bias, attachment and anger’! ! 

Footnotes for translators & readers:

1.	Heart-giving (發心)
	●	Actually there is no such word ‘heart-giving (adj/n)’ in dictionary, it is just created.
	●	In Chinese, if we explain the Buddhism word ‘heart 心’ (not human flesh heart), it is an abstract term that we can only sense it, realize it or be consciously aware of it. It is even more difficult to express the word ‘heart’ in English.
	●	Generally speaking, the term ‘heart-giving 發心’ is commonly used or seen in daily life. It may involve a ‘general heart-giving’ such as offering feast to Master, donations to charitable organizations, etc. Seriously speaking, there are many kinds of hearts in Buddhism such as cultivation-heart (修行心), compassion-heart (慈悲心), Bodhisattva-heart (菩薩心), Bodhi-heart (菩提心),etc.
	●	If we translate「發心」as ‘resolve’, it is not appropriate. resolve (n) can only be explained as 決心，決意、決定。 resolve (v) is explained as 使消釋、使分解、解體。 Furthermore, if 發心 is translated as ‘resolve’, then there is unseen, invisible background or motive behind. That exists an intention (企圖、計劃) when doing an event or dealing with an issue and this intention may contain negative function.
	●	Let us consider the words
		—	heart-breaking(adj) means grief (心碎的), sorrow (傷心). Example：There is a heart-breaking news report about children.
		—	heart-warming(adj), heart-stopping (adj)
		—	give(v) means transfer one’s possession (給予)、to make a present/gift (贈送), provide (供給). give(n) means the amount of bending that something undergoes when a force is applied to it (伸展性).
		—	giving(n) means the act of bestowing as a gift (給予物), gift (禮物) ；(v)給予、贈送、供給。
		If we translate「發心」as heart-giving, we can feel and sense what happens.
		Example： He is a heart-giving(adj) Buddhist. 他是一位發心的佛教徒。        He shows heart-giving(n) to all Buddhism issues/events or activities. 他對佛教所        有事和活動都表現發心。
2.	Four Kinds of Immeasurable Hearts (四無量心)
	If we translate「四無量心」as ‘The Four Immeasurables’, actually there are many things or materials which can be immeasurable, such as Buddha’s wisdom, space, knowledge, living creatures, sentient beings, etc, then we cannot express a feeling of heart. Therefore, the word ‘heart’ must be used or included in this Buddhism term.