She whispered softly to the sea, “As I drift across the seven seas, father accompanies me everywhere. Whether in play, in sickness, even in life and death, father is always by my side. As a child, father would often take me to climb mountains. We would stand at the top of the mountain overlooking our home in Hong Kong at a distance.”
One mid-autumn, whilst watching the white camellia blossoms ‘dance’ over the mountains, father pointed at a particular range of mountains and said, “There are mountains on the left and mountains on the right, this resembles the natural feature of an embrace. The mountain at the rear, linked to the vein of the central mountain, is the dragon’s head. This is a sign of good Feng Shui! Daddy is going to buy a piece of longevity land here!”
“What is longevity land?” she asked.
Gently patting her head, father said, “Longevity land is the burial ground for someone that has died.”
She was not happy. She turned the other way and walked over to the edge of the mountain. Father went over to her, squatted down, embraced her, smiled and said, “Well, look at you!”
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Ten years of so later, she returned from her education abroad and climbed the mountain with her father just like before. The original deserted mountain was now fully covered with graves. Father led her up the mountain via a narrow path and stopped by a granite tomb. The plaque was completely empty and nameless. Cypresses everywhere looked like they were new species. “Look, my tomb is finished!” father laughed, “Daddy designed this all by myself! If I suddenly die, this is to save you from buying a burial ground, making the tomb, and even being cheated by others!”
Once again, she turned around and walked away. The howling strong wind crept into her eyes. Father passed his handkerchief over to her, “Look! This door opens on the right side; this particularly intensifies the wealth and prosperity of future generations. Daddy will bless you to be wealthy.”
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She returned to America once again; this time it was to accompany her husband to finish his doctorate degree. Just one month before her baby was due, father rushed to New York, took her to the hospital, and waited outside the maternity ward. He anxiously followed his daughter’s husband everywhere, waiting for his son-in-law’s interpretation of any update.
When she returned home, there was a smell of something delicious cooking. Although father was never a chef, he was actually making chicken soup! Father’s cooking skills got better all the time and he would often carry a cookery book around with him. Sometimes, when they came home from work, they would read the Chinese newspaper and find it was full of randomly cut holes – guessing these were cut by father for the cooking recipes. One day, her husband angrily threw the newspaper on the floor. All of a sudden, the sound of chopping in the kitchen softened. Father did not have much of an appetite that evening, but when he saw that his grandchild had eaten so much, he started laughing again.
When the grandchild went to kindergarten, father became lonely. They would come home from work and often find the house in total darkness; there would be a small ray of flickering light from the television, and in front, lay a dark shadow dozed in sleepiness. Father’s heart had expanded and he was slowing down. Father walked at a slower pace, talked at a slower pace, and even ate at a slower pace. However, every time she took the child to piano lessons, father would always insist on going with them. At home, he would sit at a nearby table and would listen to the child playing the piano with a smile on his face; however, the very next moment, he would fall asleep and start snoring. One day, as father was walking past a church, his eyes suddenly lit up and he said: “Eh! Is this not a graveyard? Won’t it be great if I was buried here?”
“Have you forgotten?” she replied gently, “Your tomb up in the mountains is already finished.”
“It’s too far! When I’m dead, I would need to get on an aeroplane just to see my grandchild. Also, you believe in a western religion, you won’t burn any paper money for me, I won’t even have money for a plane ticket!”
Unable to change father’s mind, she went to the church to make a few enquiries. She was told that he had to be a member of the church before he had the right to be buried there. That Sunday morning, father was not to be seen and only returned just before midday.
“I didn’t understand any English, so I used my body language instead, they can’t stop me, can they!” father said with satisfaction.
She thought that it would be better if she went to church with father. She watched as her toothless father pretended to sing hymns; it was funny. One year later, when she had completed all the formalities, father held the certificate in his hand, lamely walked into the cemetery and counted the number, said, “Yes, I’ve got it, I shall rest here!” He gave the tombstone a gentle tap and said, “Hello! Please look after me in the future!” |
Her husband graduated and was recruited by an American company. He was transferred to Beijing, she had no choice but to go with him.
“Going to Beijing, that’s good! I must first buy a piece of longevity land there. When I die, it’s definitely better to speak Chinese than to communicate in body language with Westerners!” father said with enthusiasm.
“What is longevity land?” his grandchild asked.
“It is the burial ground for someone who has died,” father replied.
The son-in-law interrupted, “Granddad already has two pieces of longevity land, but he’s still not satisfied and wants a third piece.” Father and son-in-law started arguing. “Daddy will buy it himself! What are you talking about? He just wants to stay with us!” she retorted. “No, he wants to stay with you, not me!” the son-in-law then turned his back and added, “When he dies, cut his body up into three pieces; one piece for each place – Hong Kong, New York and Beijing!”
Father did not say a single word. His hearing wasn’t so good, so he pretended not to hear and walked away. The removal company finally came for the furniture; that very night, father became ill and was taken to the hospital’s Accident and Emergency Unit. On one side, he grasped his daughter’s hand, and on the other, he grasped his grandchild’s hand. Since mother left home, father had never cried. Now, with tears rolling down his cheeks, he cried, “I don’t want to give up! Don’t want to give up!” His eyes suddenly shone. “When I die, I want to be cremated, I don’t want to be buried anywhere, just spread my ashes into the sea! Please listen to my words!” father pleaded. As he finished, he passed away.
She cried for days and nights with the ashes in her arms. She did a lot of thinking. She remembered the mountain on the outskirts of Hong Kong, and the cemetery at the back of the church. If she followed father’s wish and scattered the ashes into the sea, where could she go to find him? She could go against father’s wish and take the ashes back to Hong Kong. Or, she could comply with father’s past wish, made when he was still alive, and bury the ashes in Beijing.
Her husband said, “The old man was confused, whatever he said before his death doesn’t count. Just bury the ashes at the back of the church. He’s dead, he won’t know anyway!”
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She cried again, feeling so lonely. Finally, she hired a boat, sailed out to the sea, and scooped up the ashes with her bare hands. With each handful, she scattered the ashes into the sea. She watched, as the ashes slipped through her fingers, bit by bit, it looked like time and youth slipped away in front of her.
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After staying in Beijing for two years, she returned to Hong Kong. After three years, she was transferred to Singapore. She divorced in Singapore and returned to Hong Kong with her child. Wherever she was, whether it was in Hong Kong, New York, Beijing or Singapore, whenever she was feeling unhappy, she would drive to the coast. She would walk along the beach alone, in bare foot, and let the gentle waves sweep over her feet.
“Thank you, father! I can feel your care, your embrace. Thank you! I will persevere to live life to the full.” She whispered softly to the sea, “As I drift across the seven seas, father accompanies me everywhere. Whether in play, in sickness, in life or death, father is always by my side."
You cannot determine how long you live; but you can control the width of your life.
You cannot manipulate the weather; but you can change your mood.
You cannot change your appearance; but you can show your smile.
You cannot control other people; but you can master yourself.
You cannot predict tomorrow’s events; but you can make good use of today.
You cannot win everything; but you can try your best in everything.
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