Not to have the Last Say

Source: Internet

A snobbish wealthy woman, who was having dinner at a very expensive restaurant, complained at almost everything. The waiter waited patiently by her side. But the wealthy lady acted arrogantly and after pointing to a dish, she said to the waiter, “Tell me, is this what you called food?  Even pigs would not eat this!”  Eventually the waiter could endure it no longer and said to the wealthy woman, “Madam, is it really?  In that case, I’m going to cook some pig’s food for you.”

One is ‘without the least bit of benevolence in her heart’ and one is ‘without the least bit of tolerance in his mind’: These fully illustrate the typical mode of interaction amongst contemporary people. Let’s read the following two dialogues between a husband and wife.

Husband, “I feel like an idiot listening to you.”
Wife, “Don’t you know this is the only way to make you understand?”
“Have you collected my clothes from the launderette,” the husband asked.
“Who do you think I am, your servant?”  the wife replied.
“Of course not,” he rebutted back, “if you were my servant, you would at least know how to wash clothes.”

We often fall into a trap where we must either win or lose an argument. In all disputes, everyone would insist on their own views and regard these as ‘golden rules and precious precepts’, not willing to back down. I often jokingly say, this is what so-called ‘Giving Way Courteously’ ----- disregard of whether one has courtesy (with reason) or not, others must ‘give way’.

Even more crucial is that neither side is willing to give up on having ‘the last say’. It seems that who can have ‘the last say’ no matter with or without reasons, will be the winner, and this in turn causes the dispute never ends.

When you want to untie silk threads in a tangle, you cannot pull with strength, because the harder you pull the tighter the silk threads become twisted. It is the same as interaction among people where many people only know how ‘to argue a point to a death’, how ‘to pour oil on the fire’; but they do not know the principles of ‘just express 30% of your viewpoint to everyone’ (remark: It is a Chinese Proverb which means when talking to a stranger, it is wise to be somewhat reserved) and ‘hoisting sail with wind, lowers it when seeing fit’. (remark: It is a Chinese Proverb which means making the best use of the situation and guide along in its proper course) As a result, the relationship becomes tangled in a deadlock, often reaching a point of no return.

Being right or wrong in a dispute is not more important than being happy. The secret of happiness is ‘to retreat a step’ and to reach out to others first with your gesture of friendliness. Allowing the other party to be the ‘right’ person does not mean that you are ‘wrong’. This is because when everything has turned out for the better, you realise that you will acquire peace in letting go, and at the same time feel the joy of enabling others being ‘right’. Therefore, you have done the ‘right’ thing.

Once, when Sir Winston Churchill had retired from politics, he was leisurely riding his bicycle on the road. At the same time, a lady, who was also riding her bicycle rather hastily from the opposite direction, could not stop and collided into Winston Churchill. “You old fool don’t you know how to ride a bicycle?”  The lady who was the culprit started with her accusations, “Don’t you use your eyes when you’re cycling?.....”.  “I‘m sorry!  I‘m sorry!  I don’t really know how to ride a bike properly.’ Winston Churchill did not mind the lady’s angry and scornful act, and kept apologising, “It looks like you‘re well experienced in riding a bicycle, am I right?”
The lady’s fury immediately subsided by half and when she looked a little more carefully, she recognised the great Prime Minister, and said shamefully, “No,……No, don’t you know?  I only managed to properly ride a bicycle half a minute ago ……… and my tutor was you, Sir.”

A wise man once said, “A fraction of tolerance, a fraction of generosity, destined to turn hostility into friendship.”

Once, during a journey where a father and son were travelling abroad, the father received a lot of verbal abuse from the ticket inspector when he could not find his ticket for inspection. Later, the son queried his father why he had not fallen out with the inspector earlier. His father replied, “Son, if this person can tolerate his own bad temper for all his life, why I can’t tolerate him for just a few minutes.”

‘Not to have the last say, thus avoiding disputes and arguments’ is a motto that I constantly remind myself.